Bye

I've just shifted to wordpress. Just trying out. Might/might not be back. =)

Only Almost Here

Him:"Why are you always affected by little things? And why must you always bring up stuffs in the past."

Him:"Can't you get over it?"

Her:"No. Because those little actions means alot."

Him:"If you can't let go, what do you wanna do about it?"

Her (silently thought):"Ya, what can I do?"

Oh hindsight, she realizes that there is always a solution/answer to every question.

The solution is to breakaway...

Because he is not willing to change, and she is not willing to wait for the change.

Little things will always affect her and the insensitive stuffs in the past are not going to help either.

-Give me a sign.

Delta Goodrem Feat Brian McFadden -Almost Here lyrics

Brian:

Did I hear you right?

Cause I thought you said

Let's think it over

You have been my life

And I never planned

Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light

Where the love once shined so bright

Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight

Love's not always black and white

Haven't I always loved you?

Delta:

But when I need you

You're almost here

And I know that's not enough

And when I'm with you

I'm close to tears

'cause your only almost here

Brian:

I would change the world

If I had a chance

Oh won't you let me

Treat me like a child

Throw your arms around me

Oh please protect me

Brian & Delta:

Bruise and battered by your words

Days are shattered, how it hurts

Brian:

Oh, haven't I always loved you?

Delta:

But when I need you

You're almost here

And I know that's not enough

And when I'm with you

I'm close to tears

'cause your only almost here

Brian & Delta:

Bruise and battered by your words

Days are shattered, now it hurts

Brian:

Haven't I always loved you?

Delta:

But when I need you

You're almost here

Brian:

Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you

Delta:

And when I hold you

You're almost here

Brian:

Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted

Brian & Delta:

And now I'm with you

I'm close to tears

Brian:

Cause I know I'm almost here

Brian & Delta:

Only almost here

The Beginning

Toronto, New York City... What's next?


I'm beginning to call my apartment my home.
I'm beginning to get chummy with my room mates.
I'm beginning to make some good friends.
I'm beginning to get used to the weather.
I'm beginning to say "to go" instead of ta pao.
I'm beginning to get comfortable talking to strangers.

This shows how adaptable humans are.
But I realized all this is gonna end soon.
Ok maybe not so soon. But it will all end eventually. :(
I know I will miss this place that made me grow.

1 Down

Today I've changed my pair of contact lenses.

How many more? I don't know.

What I know is I have about 1 year worth of contact lenses.

Too Many Dreams

While taking a nap this afternoon, I dreamt about my......... Mum! In that dream I was asking her how to cook minced pork. So I said, "I purposely bought minced meat because you know how to cook it, so now you can teach me."

BUT she was too busy to entertain me. She said, "wait wait, let me settle down first before I teach you." I was pestering her again and again like a mad ass, because at the back of my mind I knew I was running out of time.

True enough, while "waiting" for her, I woke up. I never get to learn how to cook that minced meat. Mummy, why can't you put away your things and teach me? I woke up feeling disappointed. I was THIS close to getting the recipe. Now I don't know what to do with my minced beef. Maybe just add it in my pasta or make beef balls the next time I cook.

Solitaire

Some people prefer solitude not because they love it.

But rather, being alone feels much better than being lonely with someone beside you.

Clay Aiken - Solitaire

There was a man, a lonely man

Who lost his love through his indifference

A heart that cared, that went unshared

Until it died in his silence

And Solitaire's the only game in town

And every road that takes him, takes him down

And by himself, it's easy to pretend

He'll never love again

And keeping to himself he plays the game

Without her love it always ends the same

While life goes on around him everywhere

He's playing Solitaire

Another day, a lonely day

So much to say that goes unspoken

And through the night, his sleepless nights

His eyes are closed, his heart is broken

And Solitaire's the only game in town

And every road that takes him, takes him down

And by himself it's easy to pretend

She's coming back again

And keeping to himself he plays the game

Without her love it always ends the same

While life goes on around him everywhere

He's playing Solitaire

A little hope, goes up in smoke

Just how it goes, goes without saying

Solitaireee

And by himself it's easy to pretend He'll never love again

Ohhh

And keeping to himself he plays the game

Without her love it always ends the same

While life goes on around him everywhere

He's playing Solitaire

Solitaire, solitaire

Such A Shame

Coldplay - The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Oh tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I’m going back to the start

Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ah ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh ooh ooh oohOh ooh ooh ooh ooh




-Got woken up by this song around 1+am. (either by room mate/ people outside the apartment) Realized this is one of my favorite songs and I can always relate to it. Lie in bed listening to it for a while. Contemplated getting ear plugs to block out the music because I need sleep badly. But I was too lazy to get off the bed. After a while, the music stopped and I went back to sleep.

Reminder

Experience it, enjoy it. Just don't fall for it.
i

More Time Away

Dishwalla - "Angels Or Devils"

This is the last time
That I'm ever gonna come here tonight
This is the last time I will fall
Into a place that fails us all inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
But fighting all the demons will take time
It will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
Are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly
The devils they burn inside of us
Are we ever gonna come back down
Come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

This is the last time
That I'm ever gonna give in tonight
Are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear to see

Still I can see the pain in you
And I can see the love in you
And fighting all the demons will take time
It will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
Are we ever
Are we ever gonna learn to fly
The devils they burn inside of us
Are we ever gonna come back down
Come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

If I was to give in give it up and then
Take a breath make it deep
Cause it might be the last one you get
Be the last one that could make us cold
You know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

Distance Equates To?

Is distance what holds two people together because incompatibility becomes diluted by the continents and the seas? Could it be that people trudge about and immerse themselves in the sadness of their separation to forget that ultimately they are just not meant to be?

i

Internal Conflict

Learnt this from Conflict Theory class yesterday.

One of the assumptions of game theory: Parties behave rationally and act according to their preferences.

Eg. Two ice creams are offered to you. You can take either chocolate or strawberry. Just presume that you prefer chocolate. Rationally, you would pick the chocolate ice cream.

However, there are people out there who would choose strawberry ice cream over chocolate despite the fact that they love chocolate ice cream. Why is this so? Are they irrational or insane people?
i

The answer is no. This is because choosing the strawberry ice cream would probably give them the personal benefit of achieving something more important. Eventually, you gain more than what you lose. Therefore, these people are actually very rational people. For a small sacrifice, they gain much more. They look at the big picture.

Anyone ever find themselves in this situation?

i

I've always ended up asking myself why did I choose "strawberry ice cream". Perhaps I've got to step back and remind myself to look at the big picture.

*WARNING this may be mind boggling.

Far Away

Some days, I wanna stay. Some days I can't wait to leave.

It's only been two weeks but it feels like forever.

Being far away for far too long makes me forget things.

Nitty gritty and important stuffs in my life.

i

I forget what it is like to have a family.

I forget what it is like to know that there is someone there 24/7.

I forget what it is like to have meals prepared readily for me.

I forget what it is like to have laudry done for me.

I forget what it is like to sleep in.

I forget what it is like to walk in the hot humid weather.

I forget what it is like to take the buses/MRT.

I forget what it is like to have everything so accessible.

I forget what it is like to have days zoom right past.

I forget what it is like to feel at home.

P/S I'm aching all over because of bball with Jia, FX, Joel and Jesmund yesterday.

P/P/S Thank you all for the lunch and dinner. =)

Love

She tries it on like a dress.

She decides it doesn't fit,

And starts to take it off.

Her skin comes, too.

-Lola Haskins

Hmmm

4 months is just changing my contact lenses 4 times.


Should be pretty easy and fast, right?

Home

I'm staring out into the night,

Trying to hide the pain.

I'm going to the place where love

And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.

And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,

The closer I get to you.

I've not always been the best man or friend for you.

But your love remains true.

And I don't know why.

You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all,

And then some you don't want.

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old.

I said these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

I'm going home.

*I'm 9384 miles away from home.

It's only been a week.

It doesn't help that this song was playing on the plane when I was flying AWAY from home.

Don't Forget.

Today was a great day. I finally remembered the reasons why I wanted to come to Buffalo so much. And these are the reasons..

I will never get to experience all these in Singapore. For my whole 21 years, I felt I've lived in vain. This is indeed an eye opening experience I will never forget. Everything is so different. The people, the culture, even the clouds, trees and grass. =D If the going ever gets tough, I should remind myself about all these reasons again.

P/S Sis, show these pictures to Daddy and Mummy to let them know I'm fine. Cuz I'm lazy to upload album on facebook. Thanks.

Necessities Bought

So far, I've went to shop at 3 places to get important things for my room.


1) Tops - Cereal, Tissue box and Waste paper basket. US$11.98
2) Walmart - Lamp, Bedsheets, Comforter, Gallon of water, Pillow, Bulbs. US$60.62
3) Dollar Tree - 3 Sets of hangers (8 each), Popcorn. US$4.26

Total= US$76.86 = Sing$110.75


*Still got more things to get!

Update

It's like 8.22am here in Buffalo and I'm already awake like since hours ago. :( Slept around 1plusam and woke up around 4plusam. All because of the time difference and hunger I suppose? So frustrating. But luckily I have Liz with me now. So after chatting for a while we got up to make ourselves breakfast. Frosted flakes and milk. Simple but filling. I've this feeling I will be shagged by the afternoon. Hope the jetlag wears off soon man. Haha, I think only Jia and Will can adapt well. Think they will only be up at 12pm.

Oh after today Liz will be shifting to her dorm. So I will be all alone in my room! Haha =_=. I miss home, I miss everyone, everything. But I'm kinda proud of myself cuz I survived the flights and I've packed my place already. Realized doing everything by myself is really tough. Guess I'm too sheltered. I fixed the lamp, got it working, put my bedsheets, pillow and comforter up, hanged up my clothes, packed other stuffs into drawers and packed the table. So things look really nice now. Wonder what's going to happen to all those things when I leave. Haha, but the bed sucks. So hard, I miss my bed! Will take a picture of my room when everything is 100% neat.

I guess when you are alone, you've to nag yourself to get things done. There's no one to force-feed me now. So for the sake of survival, I force-feed myself. Eat MORE so that I can store the food for the longer period of time. It sucks when no one is there to prepare food for you at odd hours and weird timing. If only I'm a camel, I would definitely store up 4months worth of food.


P/S Going to Jia's place soon. She cooked porridge and I have pork floss. HAHA.




Jia and I at the pancake place. Cheap, good and big portion!

Reached

At the apartment now! Unpacking, Ciao!



*Pardon the slit-like eyes. Jet-lagged.

One One DAY!!!

I think I have a furball in my throat. I'm choking. (with emotions)



Perhaps without send off, makes leaving much more easier. :(

Before You Go

When you leave, you must be prepared for changes. Be it positive or negative. You gotta accept them, or even embrace them.

You made the decision, you made the choice, and you have to live with it.

Being away helps and hurts. But whatever that don't kill, makes you stronger.

"The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking

Sometimes they knock me down but no I'm not breaking

I may not know it but these are the moments that

I'm going to remember most yeah

Just got to keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on"

-If we are all script writers of our own lives, what would my ending be?

One More Night

David Archuleta Lyrics – Touch My Hand

Saw you from a distance
Saw you from the stage
Something about the look in your eyes
Something about your beautiful face

In a sea of people
There is only you
I never knew what the song was about
But suddenly now I do

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again

I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

I see the sparkle of a million flashlights
A wonderwall of stars
But the one that’s shining out so bright is the one right where you are

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Saw you from the distance
Saw you from the stage
Something about the look in your eyes
Something about your beautiful face

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hands
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Yeah, yeah, yeah
i


-Wonderful music, wonderful performance, wonderful night! :)

Which Is Better?

To be left behind, or to leave behind?

- I used to think it's the latter. Now, I'm not sure anymore.

i

BACK FROM HELL

Last day of exams which means less time spent with uni peeps :( But had a fun time at Ikea and dog (shit, I typed god) farms with the entire clique. YAY!

Anyway just got home to receive a surprise from my dear sister! 1 Ikimono 110 mini camera and 1 Action Sampler. HA, now I have so many cameras that runs on film. (Holga, Super Sampler, Action Sampler and Ikimono). BUT I have no idea how to utilize them properly. Have yet to develop any of the film. *HELP, Janis, Feli or Jo?!

SUPER CUTE Ikimono

With film inserted

Super Sampler (Purple)

Action Sampler

Holga

Oh, recently I got my new lens (55-250mm) for my Canon 450D which resulted in me being called a voyeur by many. But, I don't care cuz I can zoom zoom zoom now. =) I want MORE lenses! But looking at the canon websites make me sad. Look at the prices!!

http://www.canon.com.sg/section/digitalcameras/eflenselineup/lenses_specs.jsp#zoom

55-250mm Lens

Slipping Away

1 Month = 4 weeks ≈ 28 days.

Woah, please slow down. I feel I can't catch up.

Headache

You kept me awake at night, and put me to sleep in the day.

Go away please.

If only I can inhale 8 chapters of PR.

The Letter Between Past And I

Dear Past,

I am writing you because I don't have anybody to listen to me. I can't help it anymore so I decided to confront you because I thought it was the right thing for me to do, since this is all between me and you.

There are a lot of memories of you that are really worth remembering. I learned a lot from you during my happiest and saddest moments, during my richest and poorest days and my best and worst times. And I want to thank you for that.

When you were still my "present", of course I enjoyed every second, every minute, and every hour spent with you, stitching bad things and good things together, enjoying the freedom I had.

What bothers me the most nowadays is that I feel that you did not totally let go of me. It is because you still seem to be controlling parts of my being. I am still disturbed by what I had already left behind when I made the changes in my life to be a better person.

It seems that until now, you are still holding some pieces of me. It often feels like you urge me to go back to find those pieces of my history and put them together to be whole again, so I could free myself from yesterday.

I am not so happy with what is happening to me in the present. I think that you are the one causing me distress because it feels like you are pulling me backwards and keeping me from moving on.

You are not making things any easier for me. I have already suffered too much for what I have done and maybe that is now enough to pay my lot.

Don't you know that you are the main reason for my day-to-day anguish and lots of sleepless nights? Please stop haunting me… Please let me go and find a better life. Please set me free….

TST

----------------------------------------------------------

To You, TST,

I got your letter. It's quite a surprise for me to read about your complaints and accusations against me.

Not even one of the questions should be thrown at me nor should the whole letter be addressed to me but to "You", since you hold all the answers to your queries.

Now it is my turn to say things and ask you questions that may help you clear your mind.

What you've done before were the things that made you feel like living your life to the fullest. Memories that made you seem to be happiest in those moments, whether good or evil, cannot be easily or completely forgotten because of what you want to do now.

You made me exist, didn't you?

It wasn't me who made your life miserable; it was all "you"! So why do you keep on blaming me? Don't you even dare put all the blame on me! Now, you see, what makes you remember me the most are the worst things you have done.

Don't you feel how sad it is that you could never be proud of your past?

You're not like other people who are telling stories to their children about their history. Their stories are being proudly preached to the next generation.

You know what? I am so sorry to tell you that you haven't yet realized that you are actually blaming your own self; you haven't yet forgiven yourself for the wrong choices you've made before.

Try to forgive and forget. Forgive yourself, and you will soon be free. Learn to forget the things that you are regretful for, so to stop them from haunting you.

You chained yourself to me but you made yourself unaware that anytime you want, you could break free, because the key is right there in your hands.

You must be very grateful that because you have me, you learned from your mistakes. You realized that the things you once thought to be good or right were never right, so you became aware of not doing those things again.And the most important of all, you have changed into a better you.

How I wish that when you are already in your future, you will not have the same regrets about what you have done today like what you did yesterday.

So please, make the best out of your life in the present!

Good luck!

Once with you, "PAST"

Read this somewhere. Made some changes and adapted to own context.

Happy Ending

Sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending, we don't learn how to read the signs. Maybe a happy ending doesn't include a person in your life, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on.

Different lives, different happy endings. =)

I hope you're happy. Are you?

:(

Because of the slight fever I'm having now, I'm avoided like a plague. :(

I'm like quarantined to my room now. How sympathetic my family can be?

H1N1? Like SERIOUSLY?!

I secretly think Janis passed it to me. HAHA, are you reading this, Janis? =P

Think I'll skip school tomorrow.

In A Blink Of Eye

With one last look, she closed her eyes and took the plunge.

Down she fell into darkness and wilderness.

This could be heaven, this is could be hell.

i

Pray for me.

Don't Leave Her Lonely Too Long

There's strangers waiting in line,

To take your place and leave you behind.

And then too late you'll change your mind,

Your heart will break a million times.

Change

It's sad when people you know become people you knew.

When you can walk right past a someone like they were never a big part of your life.

How you used to be able to talk for hours and how now, you can barely even look at them.

i

The Mask

Don't be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a thousand masks, and none of them are me. Don't be fooled, for goodness sake, don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, and that I need no one. But don't believe me.

Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in aloneness, in fear. That's why I create a mask to hide behind, to shield me from the glance that knows, but such a glance is precisely my salvation.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance, if it's followed by love. It's the only thing that can liberate me from my own self-built prison walls. I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing and that I'm just no good, and that you will reject me.

And so begins the parade of masks. I idly chatter to you. I tell you everything that's really nothing and nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying. I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me. But you've got to help me. You've got to hold out your hand.

Each time you're kind and gentle, and encouraging, Each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, feeble wings, but wings.

With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding,
You alone can release me from my shallow world of uncertainty.

It will not be easy for you. The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back.
But I'm told that Love is stronger than strong walls, and in this lies my only hope.

Please try to beat down these walls with firm hands,
But gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you wonder. I am every man you meet, and also every woman that you meet,
And I am you, also.

-Author unknown

Even Now, Even Now

You probably know the feeling's not right.

Something's amiss, but you decide not to put up a fight.

So you close your eyes and live on like it doesn't hurt.

But in the process, you are bruised, battered and burnt.

Still, you convince yourself that's the best for all.

However with every step, you take a fall.

You pray and wish the pain away.

But it still hurts, again and again.

So you look up the sky,

And you silently wonder why.

The Wolves Within

An old Grandfather, whose grandson came to him with anger at a schoolmate who had done him an injustice, said, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times."

He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way."

"But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eye and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"

The Grandfather solemnly said, "The one I feed."

Which wolf, do you feed?

Interesting Quotes

Saw this 2 quotes on TV Mobile yesterday.

"Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge."

-I always believe that forgiveness is the highest attainment in life. When you are able to forgive, you are finally able to let go. And the issue/person can no longer affect or bother you. If one day comes, and the issue/person is unable to have an impact or effect on you, I guess that's probaby the sweetest revenge.

"When a horse is dead, get off."

- No point staying on a dead horse. It won't bring you anywhere. And it is impossible to revive your dead horse. Be glad and thankful for the past service of the horse. It is time to move on.

i